some recapping

Enjoy (or be disgusted by) my most recent written recapitulation of the latest Gossip Girl trainwreck here.

ww.

Yes, another lovely thing to add to the blog.  People always do these cutesy things with their blogs, like Free Friday, or Wordless Wednesday.  I'm going to do that, too.  Except instead of giving you something beneficial, I'm giving you Wasteful Wednesday, also known as the various ways in which I waste my time.  We all have them and they're basically the things that make the world go round, yes?

So what's made my world go round when I'm not standing on five inch heels at work?

Lest you think I'm starting from the beginning, I'm confessing that way back when I watched One Tree Hill religiously.  I loved it.  More than anything, I loved Brooke Davis.  A couple of years ago it started getting REALLY bad, so I stopped watching.  A couple of days ago I was bored.  Really bored.  REALLY bored.  So I decided to get back to it.

Oh it's so bad.  Not even remotely what it used to be (which is only marginally bad).  But I do find some sort of comfort in the reality that Brooke Davis has found a way to be happy, even if it's only in television.

people.

there is only going to be one more season of Gossip Girl.  tonight was the season finale, and well, let's just say that all of the character assassination across the board actually made me quite happy, because it now makes most of my predictions almost entirely likely.

So I now present to you how Gossip Girl is going to end, not only in the way that would make me happiest, but in the way that would be truly epic.

Chuck and Blair get married and have world domination from the Upper East Side.  Bunnies hop, chicks chirp, birds sing, and everyone bows down to the perfection.

Jenny comes back to take over Waldorf designs.  She still wears shoe polish on her eyes.

Nate and Lola end because Lola is annoying.  

Nate and Jenny have googly eyes again which makes me happier than ever.  My second favorite coupling that almost happened, but unfortunately the shoe polish got in the way.  No longer.

Dan writes his books and they end up all Devil Wears Prada or Nanny Diaries where people enjoy reading it, but in the end they don't really care if those people are bitchy simply because it's fun.

Dan isn't totally alone.  He has his disgusting hair.

Lily and Bart end up with no children liking them.

Eric meets up with them in the Hampton's talking about his new life there as a bartender, still attending high school.

Rufus does something.  No one cares.

Finally, Serena ends up on the streets as a prostitute. All is well.

ending.

There is this really freaky thing that happens to me every single year, at this time of year.  WITHOUT FAIL.

A relationship (or sometimes a not-relationship relationship in which a person might not be prepared to commit) ends, and I'm stuck watching Grey's Anatomy crying over my sad, pathetic existence and how I'd prefer to be Izzy getting married or someone getting shot or Lexie getting kissed by Jackson or Derek being sucked out of the airplane.

Really though.  It's getting really ridiculous.

Ridiculous in the sense that every person I've cared for ends up outside of my life once the month of May ends and ridiculous in the sense that I have watched EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF GREY'S ANATOMY EVER MADE.

yeah yeah another female empowerment post.

Move along, Matty W. and others who will surely roll their eyes at what's to come.  See?  I just saved you needless eye rolling.

A couple of years ago I posted about that Sandra Bullock/ Ryan Reynolds film and how it pushes this attitude that strong women are beastly villains.

I haven't seen this new Whitney show, but from what I've read of it, I doubt I'd like it.  Call me crazy, but I'd rather watch smart humor that relies on wit and intelligence (read: Arrested Development and such), than something raunchy that pokes fun at all the female quirks that exist.  To make fun of femininity is one thing - but to do it in a way that places masculinity above it is just obnoxious and tired, but for whatever reason most of America still buys into it.

Anyway, read this article .  I think it brings up some really interesting points about female depictions in television, particularly in comedy.

why today is a good day.

1. I wore olive pants to work.
2. I have fruit snacks.
3. Gossip Girl is BAAAAAACK.  Blair is my queen.
4. I discovered that I've been chosen as the newest personal stylist at the Nordstrom in Murray at Fashion Place.

Like I said.

Good day.

bingeing on House...

...is actually helping me feel better.  Bless you, Gregory House and your acerbic wit.

And by the way, Dr. Cameron, Dr. Chase is perfect for you.  Go with it.

No, that is not meant to represent something else.

I know I know...

I can't help it.  It's my taste in men.  And it's bad.  But it's just so wonderful.

about face!

Tonight I received a creepy text asking where I was and if I was safe.  Don't worry.  I lied.

But it prompted me to go to the Deseret News site to see if someone was running crazy around Provo with explosive devices, and while I didn't see any of that, I did see some of this.

We all know how much I love kids, and I can promise you that I want to protect their innocence, innocence that is so fleeting thanks to the technology we're blessed and sometimes cursed to have.  But let me ask you this: why in the world are you letting your 5-year-old watch television you haven't pre-approved when it's past seven in the evening?  Once 8 o'clock hits, parents need to have better control of their TV's, because that's when primetime rules for sex, language, and violence come into effect.

Was the show she saw total trash?  I'm sure it was.  I never saw it.  I tend to avoid those low budget shows that are syndicated because no one company wants to claim them.  Obviously I don't want children exposed to indecent material, but it blows my mind that a TV exec would pretend that the fault was with indecency laws rather than his own inability to parent in his home.  He should know better... better than most because he's surrounded by it.

Finally, this article cites statistics of children who experience violence, harsh language, and sexually explicit content because of a television in the home.  What about those kids who experience all of that because their parents are inept and incapable?  Are there some individuals who don't care who they corrupt?  Yeah, probably.  But is the mass media all-consumed with ruining every kid's innocence?  I may be cynical, but I'm not that cynical.

Besides.

Go turn on a news channel.

Tell them to start regulating what they show 24/7.

Yeah, good luck with that.

I ain't no hollaback girl.

Hanging with Mayo all weekend put my sleep schedule all off-kilter.  Totally worth it.

Some people like to wail at God every once in a while.  In LDS vernacular, we tend to refer to them as murmurers: Sariah, Laman, Lemuel, virtually anyone who wasn't Nephi or Isaiah. Yes, I murmur.  And  I whine.  And I shake my fist a little bit at the heavens when there are low points.

BUT.

I also acknowledge that God is awesome and takes care of me.   Does that cancel it out?  Do I need to stop wailing?  The Jews have an entire wall devoted to it - can't I just use this as my perennial wailing wall?  And can't I use it as my little blessing board?  [I used a literary device in the last two sentences - did you catch it?  I hope so, because it was accidental and I'm quite proud of my accidental alliteration (whoa there is it again)]

For example:

Life is super cool right now.  I could brag about all of these fun feelings I'm feeling, but I'm fairly certain that would only be further proof for those of you who think I'm bi-polar.  I guess I could put it in these terms: I will be dancing next year and he is AMAZING; it only took me like 27 times at a local to finally win one; all of my friends are finding eternal love and it's awesome; I'm not and I'm really okay with it (SERIOUS!  This is not a lie to try and trick God into sending Chase Crawford my way); my car is a beast and I love her for it; I have equally super cool friends who make my currently super cool life exponentially more super cool; my family is the bomb dot com; GOSSIP GIRL AND VAMPIRE DIARIES ARE COMING BACK.

Yes, I love two very juvenile shows, but the fashion on Gossip Girl has inspired the evening gown I want to make and the NY Times called Vampire Diaries one of the best shows of 2009.

The only downer on all of this happy-time is that it coincides with the start of spring.  I hate being that predictable.

a few of you will figure this out.

read between the lines - then you can understand how I am feeling right now.

note: this is going to take some serious GG fans to catch it.  Let's just say Paris and Rory and I are so much the same in this episode (if that helps you out some).

some of you may be wondering.

and no.  I'm not ashamed.  how could I be with this beautiful creature?

finally....

well that's depressing.

The day began with an overwhelming realization that in Gilmore world, I have evolved into Paris:  "DING DING DING DING!"

farewell, hot Henry VIII

for my friends who love Lost

I'm not the fanatic some people are, but last night's episode was actually legitimately good.  Potentially the best of the series.  Desmond rocks.

"waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt!"

"Have you seen my son?!"

Every time Michael is on the screen, Jansen and I look at each other, waiting for the line, and every time, it appears without fail: "They took my son!"

In the last two months I have gone through 4 entire seasons of Lost. It's disgusting. And I'm getting sick of the science fiction element. But I can't help it! I have to know what happens! I am a consumer who's been sucked in by their trickery and I've done it at lightening speed. It's pretty decent, some episodes are better than others, and starting it just as the last season is underway is so the way to go. Although, at this rate, I'll be caught up with a month and a half still to go in the final season. How will I survive waiting more than thirty seconds to click on the next episode?!

By the way, Emily, Charlie was my least favorite character, and his death was certainly touching, but that doesn't change how ugly he is.

Anyway, the real reason for this is to post a photo I found on ONTD the other day. I'm still laughing.

I had a Lorelai-esque moment

Thought I'd copy and paste a conversation I just had with my dear friend Corrine. I'm also going to make you read it in it's gloriously annoying format.

me: I want to see how Charlie dies because he's so damn annoying
coco2887: which one is charlie? the short one?
dominic monaghan?
me: the one who was a hobbit
yup
coco2887: haha, oh my word
me: ugh he's obnoxious
coco2887: it's his face
his ugly face
me: and his voice
me: and the fact that every time I see him, I try to remember if he was Merry or Pippin. And then I ask myself why Tolkien wanted to name odd little male half-people such names. Which usually leads me to Mary Poppins.
my mind is a wondrous thing.
coco2887: haha
he was merry
me: fab
coco2887: and what kind of man just writes his own language? tolkien wasn't exactly a normal person
he needs to get a life
he'd totally be a lost fan if he were alive


in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I give you the language of the species that should be related to Leprechauns. It's Elven. I was right the first time. My favorite phrase? Cuamin linduva yassen megrille. My bow shall sing with your sword.

Ummm...WHAT?!

marriage saving baby not included.

This is pretty ironic.

Mattel is creating a line of Mad Men Barbie Dolls.

Sure. Why not?

fantastic!

Last night I fell asleep around midnight for the first time in, oh, 8 years and I had an AWESOME dream. I've always had really vivid dreams, I always remember them, and they always worry the hell out of me. I have stress dreams. I wake up with a racing heart and I usually have to turn the lights on in order to fall asleep again. Yup. I have nightmares. Almost every night.

Except for last night.

Johnny Weir and I were best friends {lol I know}. He had already competed in the short program at the Olympics and actually placed in the top three. All was going well. We were at his house the day of the long program (naturally), primping so we could look fabulous at the rink. I threw on some great skinny jeans and was searching for the right shoes. Johnny had me go through his heel collection saying, "We're both size 8 1/2 right? Perfect! We can wear each other's shoes!" (note: I wear 9 in heels...)

Then his coach who looked remarkably like Jansen yelled at us for taking so long getting ready, that we were going to be late.

But I walked out of the house with these great purple heels that I borrowed from Johnny.

Duh.

have you seen it?

the winner for the best commercial this Olympics does not go to Visa, surprisingly. It goes to that Proctor&Gamble commercial with all the little kids. Ahhh, it kills me!