where am I?

I just woke up about ten minutes ago completely lost and confused.  The lights were off, I was in bed in my pajamas, and it looked like Whitney was sleeping, too.  It took a while to acclimate.  What day is it?  When did I fall asleep?  How long have I been sleeping?  What time is it?  Why did I fall asleep with my contacts in?  Is it the end of the month?  Can I just throw these contacts away?

And then my phone said it was 11:40.

I have no idea where the last three hours of my life went.

be impressed.

Whitney and I are studying.  While watching Gilmore Girls.  It's pretty awesome.

it's been a funky week.

I don't know if the week itself has been funky as much as me just being plain old funky.  I had a really great time with some friends the other night and it's thrown me into this really weird mental state.  I'm puzzled by my own obsessive internal questioning.  Whitney put it best last night, "You were reminded of good things and of bad things and it's a lot to take in at once."

This is actually a decision that I'm grateful for - it was a difficult choice, but it has turned out to be the right thing for all involved.  15 months later and I'm finally ready to be honest with myself, though with regard to the consequences and the ramifications of such an intense decision.  It hurts.  Still...after all this time, I find myself pained by the result.

Life is so hard, and for reasons I cannot well articulate, I am sad.  Not in a regretful way, hoping for the roles to be reversed.  I'm sad for the memories and for the foreign existence.

LOVE IT

oh hell.

self-deception is probably the saddest sort of madness.

I fell asleep at 9

and then I woke up.

Whitney said I don't blog enough.

So maybe I'll start documenting my daily routine.  Exciting, no?

It's 8:30 p.m.

and I'm under my covers, in my pajamas, ready for bed.

Good night.

{I'm getting old...}

you go Christóbal Colón

You know what brings the greatest enjoyment in reading Chris Columbo's letters in their original language?

I *finally* have ammunition in arguments about his intentions and "divinity".

"donde yo fallé muy muchas islas pobladas con gente sin número; y d'ellas todas he tomado posesión por Sus Atezas con pregón y vandera real estendida, y no me fué contradicho.  Yo entendía harto de otros Indios, que ya tenía tomados, como continuamente esta tierra era isla"

Jerk.

{also, it's all in the vos which is AWESOME}

covet

Jen: One time, when I was 7, I tried to break my arm.
Whitney: I'm not surprised.

I'm Jen Gulbrandsen, and I have high cholesterol.

No joke.

So I've been trying to think of some way to encompass what happened to my body this summer.  Shedgate?  Massive unintended weight loss of summer '10?  Don't really know.  But I lost 15 pounds in about two months and I'm not really sure how.  My doctor thought my medication could be responsible, but she said the weight loss side effect usually wears off pretty quickly.  I didn't exercise all that much, and I ate as I usually do...which leads me back to my title.

I don't eat very well.  I mean, I eat okay.  I take fairly good care of myself, but I really, really like pizza.  And I really like tacos.  And I loooooove french fries.

Well, my doctor freaked out about the weight loss because I weigh less than I did at MAOT and because my cousin was diagnosed with cancer, so we did the full blood work possible.

No cancer.

No crazy things.

Just abnormally high cholesterol.

Yup.  Bye-bye french fries, HELLLOOOOOOO Cheerios.

reason #23498 Whitney loves me

in case you haven't noticed, Whitney and I have what some might call an unhealthy obsession with each other.  I think it's just fine.  We're bffs in the literal sense - we la la la love hanging every night.  We often have random dance parties - usually also every night.

We like to switch back and forth on music choices - hers tends to be Latin or Lady Gaga and mine tends to be...well...AWESOME.

For example.

Anytime we get bored of what we're listening to, I say, "ooooh!  I've got one!"

Yeah, I put on David Bowie's As the World Falls Down EVERY SINGLE TIME.

One day she'll learn :)

p.s. you mock and you die.  I want that to be my wedding song and NO I AM NOT KIDDING.

How I spent my summer vacation

Played with Whitney. 

A lot.

{yes, we have lots of fun}

babysat this little one.

a lot.

like, a lot, a lot.  If he ever goes missing, and I'm missing, too...well....

played with these girls in the city.

 Clowned around in the Met

Said hi to a couple of dance friends.

Danced.

Lots and lots of dancing.

  

Watched my mom put in her hair extensions while helping out with a campaign.

Watched Jared's trademark seal flop move several times.

Did my dad's yard work (well, mostly).

Loved every moment spent with this sweet one.

Spent lots of time on a boat with my favorite second family

 

I also turned 23.

 

And drove a boat.  

It was a good summer.

Oh no you di'n't

Be prepared: rant forth-coming.

the best part of waking up

Is William smiling and giggling when he first sees me.

At least somebody loves me!

Dear BYU Housing

I'm really glad that you chose to deny my housing waiver.  After all, my living situation is dangerous to a BYU student.  Living with an active LDS family who regularly has family prayer and scripture study that I participate in is no atmosphere for a BYU student; we're supposed to pretend to do it with roommates who hate us.  Also, the house has thin walls, so you can always hear when people have company - imagine the noise!  No one can ever get to sleep early if there are boys in the house - you always hear them!  Besides, the father is a landlord and has had BYU housing before.  He's already used to enforcing the honor code...he's sick of doing it!  Finally, I'm glad you're recognizing my frustration with former housing situations.  You're just being a messenger of God, aren't you?  Forcing me to overcome a weakness and make it a strength.  Thank you so much!  I am sooooo lucky to have an extra set of parental guidance and advice.  You're also trying to help me overcome that other pesky little thing that's been bothering me, aren't you?  What do you do when a kid is scared of war?  Send him to the front lines!  Your mantra, right?  Thank you, oh so much.

Love,

Me

p.s. I'm not moving.

Yeeeeah, get it shorty.

IBTC unite.

Just a simple plea

My family has received some very sobering news and I may not have any medical experience or a pageant title or WHATEVER, but please please please, visit this website for a simple overview of breast cancer.  Regardless of your family history, it's important to know the signs, how to check for lumps, and what you can do to be proactive against cancer.

If you do have a family history, I want to encourage you to actively check yourself once a month and after 21, start talking to your doctor about ultrasounds, and then mammograms.  If you're thirty, ignore the silly regulations that say you don't need a mammogram and get one at least every other year, and if your insurance will cover it, yearly.  Guess what - women under the age of 40 and 50 can and DO get breast cancer.  And I'm sick of people assuming you're too young for it.  That's how it ends up in the III or IV stage before it's detected.

I'm not a doctor, but this issue is extremely close to me.

We're not invincible.

I'm...

avoiding a few things by throwing myself completely into school.  Not the worst idea ever, but I'd rather not think about all of it.  Who doesn't love being a little delusional?!


{Dad - don't ask.  I'm not going to tell you.}