a vindication on the personalities of women, or Why the haters need to stop.

A few years ago my cousin set me up with a guy. He was really attractive, a college athlete, and really sweet. We went out a couple of times, but no sparks. No one's fault. Just no chemistry. Cousin later said, "Looks wise you two could be a good match, but I think you are just so intense".

Found this article and it is spot on.

As a strong, intense, talented, motivated, career-oriented with a dash of desire for love, independent woman, I am sick and tired of the treatment that others like myself receive.

If a girl is pretty and really sweet, people automatically love and adore her. Sweet girl is traditionally outgoing, kind, and fun to be around, but also tends to be a bit non-threatening to men (and other women) because (in my limited experience) she has her looks, but usually isn't intimidating by way of scholastics, career, or personality. Yes, she's beautiful, but because she's just such a nice, sweet girl, it's easy to approach her. She gets the players, but she also gets the great guys. They work up the courage, but asking her out isn't as hard. Other girls like her because they enjoy being friends with a pretty girl, it automatically ups their chances of meeting pretty boys, but they also don't feel too threatened. She's easy to read and easy to be around, her sweetness will never be overpowering.

On the flip side, intense girl is known by her beautiful, intense looks, and powerful confidence. She's pretty, so she'll attract attention, but there's something about her that can initially push some people away. Her sass is easy to misread. The people that do approach her tend to become a little intimidated...if she has serious aspirations for higher degrees, a successful career, and independent living, she becomes highly unapproachable. Other girls aren't a fan because this girl has a certain "masculinity" (thank you, Society) that is unappealing to her fellow females. Oh, she'll attract men, but usually only players (admittedly the pretty guys) will feel confident enough to approach her. The good ones have to work up more courage because they don't automatically have that sense of entitlement that the other members of their species somehow develop.

In short, if you're pretty and sweet, everyone loves you--how could you possibly be mean? If you're pretty and feisty, you're a, well...you know (my dad reads this, so I can't say it).

Placing blame upon Hollywood is a slight cop-out, but movies certainly don't help in ending this cycle of anti-feminist thought. Before you jump all over me, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting a career, an education, and success. God created man and woman to be equal partners for one another, not for one to be subservient to the other. We have come so far in equal rights, but for some reason this idea that the only good location for a woman is in the kitchen continues. We need to stop perpetuating this ignorance. Parents need to teach their children that you CAN have it all.

I have a sinking feeling that all of these individuals (men and women, alike) that stereotype the intense girls were raised in fairly similar ways, with entertainment only confirming their viewpoints. Why? Why do people take SUCH issue?

To answer my own question, this is certainly a Mormon issue. It's not gospel doctrine, but cultural. Our leaders have advised women to work toward as much education as they can, if they have the desire and the means. Yes, women are traditionally homemakers, but what if she finds a career that works well with raising her children? Say what you will, but the stereotypes she faced as a single woman will continue as a married woman. This needs to stop.

However, it's clearly not just an issue within LDS culture. Movies like He's Just Not That Into You, The Proposal, etc do nothing for the furthering of women. Powerful women are always type cast as the b----y members of society and films are usually centered around their inability to relate to other individuals because they're just so darn successful. How dare they be! And it always ends in some man taming their shrew-ish ways. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good chick flick where people find love. I'm still a sap. But I would really love to see a film where they actually shed light on the problem--the women are jealous and treat them horribly and the men just don't have the guts (not the word I would use, but again, hi Dad) to be, dare I say, man enough for all this woman presents for a relationship.

Don't worry, I haven't hit that bitter phase. I'm still young enough that finding love doesn't frighten me. In fact, I enjoy being single because I get the option to see who I wish while still maintaining the freedom of pursuing and realizing my potential as a human being. Those who know me well know of my desire to have a family (my firstborn daughter's going to be named Sofia, ps), but I truly believe that I have been given a desire to achieve success in career for a reason. I know that I will be able to balance my lifestyle in a way that will only benefit my family, and hopefully my community and work environment, as well. However, I can see why a lot of women in their mid-to-late twenties get frustrated.

But I can guarantee you this. My girls will be brought up to embrace their strength, their motivation, and the intense parts of their personalities, rather than be made to feel ashamed or not loveable. And I can guarantee you that my boys will know that the women who are motivated and talented might be a bit intimidating, but totally worth the extra effort.

And as a side note to all you Provo single guys that play around with the 18-year-old girls who WrItE lIkE tHiS. Just remember that intelligence is somewhat genetic. And eternal. Enjoy it. Really.

Change will only occur if begun within the family from a young age. It's crucial. Embrace the strength!

{yes, my title is a blatant rip off of good old Mary W., one of the mothers of feminism. love her.}

think of the kids.

Most of you are aware that I'm beginning to compete again, Miss Utah County being my local of choice. I'm really excited to get back into it, and I'm definitely a bit nervous, but odds are that I will be 1st Runner Up, so I'm not particularly stressed.

In fact, this exact conversation happened a couple of weeks ago:

Person: So wait, how many times have you been first runner up?
Me: 3 years in a row.
Person: Oh dang, I would have said that 3rd time's the charm. Guess 4th time's the charm!
Me: Yeah, they said that whole 3rd time thing LAST year.

At least I have a good sense of humor about it, right?

The point of this post isn't to get you all out there, the point is that I'm going to ask a favor.

Go to this website.

Click donate. Even just 5 dollars.

It's for the kids.

Really, though, it is.

Thanks, friends.

just playing around

we'll see how long it sticks.

aa rocks.

I can't tell you how much I want to buy this shirt.

But because I go to BYU and live in Utah, I'd just look like an attention whore around campus. I remember the stares I got when carrying The Gay Science around, just imagine what people would do or say to me if I wore this.

Just imagine what my friends and mentors would say.

Hmmmm.

*click*

It's going in my shopping cart.

this color?



{you know me, I've been pretty apathetic about politics, but some issues are really important to me and perhaps it's time to stop being so timid.}

do you hear what I hear?

Oh wait...no, you don't, because I'm not allowed to talk.

!!!!

This is a problem.

Aha, now I can hear it.

It's the sound of all of my friends and family rejoicing because I won't be able to say anything at all if I want to be able to sing next weekend.

Love ya laryngitis. You're a real pal.

So the real question here, was shouting at Irish soccer hottie when I already didn't have a voice worth all of this frustration and hassle?



Hmmmmm....what do YOU think?

there's this medicine I'm taking

because of this freaking illness that will not leave my body. It's all a bit intense. Twice a day for 2-3 weeks, antibiotics...oh, and the weird pills I have to take to keep the acid reflux from further damaging my vocal cords. Naturally, a pill that would stop bacteria makes me nauseous. And it leaves the world's worst after taste.

Meanwhile, I get to have one of these tomorrow. Enjoy this lovely gem I found on youtube.



SO EXCITED.

men are pigs

but it makes for good TV.



for the record, Uri Man sounds like a porn star name.

chat.

some people fall in love and touch the sky. some people fall in love and find quicksand.

the sweet chord progression.

coldplay is releasing Strawberry Swing as a single, which is a bit frightening to me, because I remember what happened when they released Fix You as a single. 20-something year old girls who have no concept of what makes a song strong claimed it as their anthem and I began to hate it a little (and in fact it wasn't until their concert that I felt like I could enjoy it again). So I'm a little ashamed that I enjoy Coldplay as much as I do, especially because I claim to have good taste in music, but part of understanding what makes music powerful is understanding the emotional pull behind a piece of music.

For years and years people have been unwilling to give certain songs their due because of the simplicity of the message or the lyrics or the composition. But what these people forget is that sometimes all a song needs to be affecting is the right combination of chord progressions that will reach out and touch your soul a little bit.

Strawberry Swing has one such progression, in the finale of the song, and it gets me every time. My theory's not what it used to be and I'm not near a piano, so I don't know the exact chord sequence, but what I do know is that they combined a subtle minor chord with this idea of life only being worth it if you're there. It's not a With or Without You sort of idea. It's not possessive or controlling. In fact, it's completely without guile. Innocent. It's just...sweet.

I'm pretty certain that when I fall for someone that final time, this is going to be the melody playing through my mind.

And when you create that, you've created something powerful.

{they're also making this into a crazy music video a la Life In Technicolor}

I'm sure you've seen this by now

but it's worth seeing again, and if you haven't, you need to. There are some beautiful things that can be expressed through movement, music, lyric, art that are so affecting, they far surpass the words in the message.

This is one example of such transcendent beauty.

perfection.

let's hear it for boys pt 1.

A long, long time ago I moved to Provo, Utah and I had no friends. As luck would have it, I moved into a really pretty ward (and those of you 14th ward alums [which I'm pretty certain ISN'T a word-far too lazy to google and that Gilmore Girls episode certainly didn't clear up the alumni/alumnus/alumna confusion] can't deny it). Being the new, unpopular, mediocre looking 15 year old with bad teeth in a ward full of popular, gorgeous girls with perfect smiles is a bit trying on your self-esteem. School began and I still didn't have friends. These days I try to explain to friends that I was indeed a loner in high school, that I dreaded the lunch hour because I didn't have a car, I didn't have friends, and I didn't have a place to go. I would often take my merry little time walking out of Miss Mackay's AP Government class, while everyone rushed to the Commons to meet up with their buddies to go off and get some dollar item at Wendy's. I'd dawdle, pretend I couldn't get my locker open, use the bathroom, find something to eat, find some corner...but most of all I just wanted to have someone to talk to.

Oh, I had a few kind souls that took pity on me here or there, but the friendships never really lasted. I just didn't fit into any one circle of friends. Sophomore year is a tough time to be new. Everyone transformed from the middle school cliques during freshman year into cliques that were essentially sustained throughout their high school experience. Getting into one once established isn't easy. I was enough of a lot of things, but it seems that extremes are necessary for social stigmatizing.

Smart, yes, but not a defining characteristic.
Skinny, yes, but also without boobs {some things never change}.
Multi-talented, but in the wrong high school for musical gifts.
Nice, but a little socially awkward.

And then there was the long list of superficial evidence.

Bad hair. Bad fashion. Bad teeth. Bad skin color (to this day I'm amazed at the bronzing abilities Timpview girls possess). Bad family. Bad house. Bad makeup. Bad social skills.

So I bounced. And bounced some more. I ended up in a group of girls for a while, but that turned awry. I had a few other friends for a little while, but never felt as though I belonged. Finally I met my dear friend Becky, but as luck would have it, she went to another school. Afternoons were full of bad reality shows, Ovaltine on ice cream, and those strange organic bean burritos we'd layer with cheddar cheese while I talked on and on about Z, J, or G (you'd think after all of these years I could use their names...but I guess I'm still too shy), the boys I remained madly in love with despite my invisibility. She would talk about her Alex and while he and I eventually became lunch friends, joining in with the Wendy's dollar menu craze in his rusty red Subaru, I was always the third wheel. Besides, it was a bit interesting being Becky's best friend. The conversations usually transpired as such:

Person I long to be friends with: Becky Higginson's your best friend, isn't she?
Me, knowing full well what's coming: Yes....
Person who remains far too cool: OHMYGOSH she is SOOOOO pretty.
Me, with fake enthusiasm: Oh I know, she is so gorgeous.

Don't get me wrong. I love Becky and she remains one of my dearest friends, but in those days she represented everything that I wasn't. And at 15, life is pretty transparent. All you want (even if you deny it) is to be pretty, popular, and have a cute boy interested in you. That described her, and I was the tag-along.

But this isn't supposed to be a story full of pity.

After that frustrating first year in Utah, I had an amazing summer because I somehow had bounced enough, that I bounced into a great group of friends.

And thus began my long-standing history of being "one of the guys".


.......more to come.

contain the excitement.

it's a new Muse song. And it's exactly how I love them--completely ridiculous with a lot of classical piano thrown in.

New album September 14. Let's pray for them, that they will add a stop to Utah in their tour schedule. Which really is a prayer for me. But it's all the same, right?

listennnnnnn.

brilliance. sheer brilliance.

every once in a while TAMN makes me laugh with her cluelessness, and it's generally after having read an identical post in my google reader that was done in complete seriousness.

This, however, is true genius.

back to real life.

While in the city I carried around this beautiful journal in the hopes that I'd be inspired with a little nugget here and there, but I didn't expect all of the little phrases that constantly popped into my head. Part of the reason I plan on being there after graduation is for grad school. But I am a people watcher. It's not that I have all of these random encounters (although, I certainly had a few memorable ones), it's that I jot down one of the defining characteristics of a memorable person I spied on the subway or in a dance class or in Crumbs and I create what I believe is their life story in my head. I'm desperate for more people watching.

I'm also desperate for more Crumbs and Shake Shack and dance classes at Steps. And Natalie and Kelly. And Shake Shack.

For all of the wonderful things Provo, Utah has to offer (and there are certainly many), there are things even more lovely for my writer's brain.

2 more years.

That's it.

I can make it.

Luckily I have a good amount of material to write about. Perhaps not enough to last 2 years, but hopefully enough to keep me going until an internship next year.

If only I could get some Shake Shack...

this place is doing wonders for my fashion sense.

I <3 it here

Hair was awesome (even if I'm not really into the whole nudity thing...could do without that), West Side Story made me cry (there is nothing more impacting than a man who can sing and dance beautifully...I'm such a sucker for that sort of thing), the night scene is amazing, and the opportunity to reconnect with old friends has been perfect.

Oh and ummm, I may or may not have a mildly famous [gorgeous] Irishman that plays soccer professionally in London texting me here and there to hang out again.

I'm pretty certain I'm going to "miss" my flight.

I'm late to this party

but I've never laughed so hard.

peace out.

In 8 hours I'll be sitting on a plane to go have a week of play, dance, and reflection.

Mostly healing.

It's finally here!

Happy Independence Day

Have a safe and fun holiday. I'm currently in bed with something. Probably Swine Flu. Here's to my body recovering in the next 6 hours.