ch-ch-ch-changes.

The fun of being a writer is recording everything I can remember, with the detail I want to include, with the feelings I want to evoke.  It's easy to twist things around; it's easy to manipulate memory or history or feelings - and putting it on paper, or on the internet?  Makes it all the better.  Sometimes I lie, and sometimes I lie on this blog.  It's not often, and it's been a while since I've lied, but I've done it.  I have a feeling that my life is going to be changing on this slow incline, and I want to be as honest as possible, but I'm scared to be too honest.  If things change the way I think they're going to, then I don't want to be as exposed... so what do I do?

Do I go back and delete everything?  Do I blur out photos and references and names and experiences?  Do I transfer them to my private blog and change the course of this blog's future?  Do I pretend that certain relationships didn't exist, and certain mistakes didn't happen, and certain experiences didn't affect me?

This probably seems completely silly, but I just have that feeling - I can't explain it and I don't even know how to describe it, but I can feel it.  Things are going to be changing.  I took my first solo step in defining my destiny and future yesterday.  I was in the car, staring at the book, thinking about the manager, wondering what I could have done differently, and then I was in there, taking control, and making myself known.

Although dangerous to make a big deal of this, yesterday was...well...a big deal.  My first big interview (no offense to my mom, or Christina Lowe, or Becky Lockhart but.....), and not only did it go well, I think an impression was made.

It will be fun to look back at the interview and laugh at how stressed I was the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME wondering when he was going to call.  Laugh at how many text messages and phone calls I made while spewing words out of my mouth (I'm not going to pretend that anything said yesterday was even remotely profound).  Laugh at how nervous I got when speaking to Apolo on the phone.  Laugh at what a giddy idiot I sounded like.  But after yesterday, after meeting him, after chatting with his people for a while, I just have a feeling.  It's not going to be my only interview with him and it's not going to be my only big interview.

So Apolo, if you found this through my twitter, or however, know that I loved interviewing you and I can't wait to do it again.  Also, I'm pretty sure you spend a lot of time in SLC, so we should stay in touch.