the sky could be blue; could be grey. I don't mind.

Perspective is pretty awesome.  I'm not always good at having it, and I whine a lot, and I get caught up with natural disasters and tragedies and drama and my self-imposed pain (which reads like I cut myself - don't worry, I don't...).  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Perspective.  Tonight was lovely.  Dinner with my second family was hysterical.  Talking with my best friend was perfect.  Spending time with another who is often far away was wonderful.

They remind me of how grand my life is, not because of winning or losing or anything that can be placed on a resume or bragged about to future employers, but because God is good and God has given me some remarkable individuals to learn from.

Nostalgia is good and nostalgia is bad.  I feel like I need to make a few apologies here.  I'm sorry that I have a difficult time being okay with things that are sad.  I'm sorry that I let them make me sad.  Thank you for bearing with me, for letting me cry, for helping me recover.

The greatest reminder I had tonight came from someone who I not only love, but someone who I also truly admire and respect.  He is one of the best persons I've been privileged to meet, and through some interesting circumstances, I am grateful to call him someone that I can always count on. 

Am I rambling?  It is almost three a.m.  Sorry about that, too.

This is another one of those all-encompassing essays where I postulate in generalities, but I do mean it sincerely.

Life is so hard.  So hard.  So so so so so hard.  People leave you.  They let you down.  They abandon you.  They fail you.  They are hurtful or ignorant or incapable of loving the way all humans deserve to be loved.  They make promises and break promises and avoid promises, forcing you to abandon ship and save yourself. 

But they also leave an impression and a mark that directs you elsewhere, either to a new destination or to new individuals.  I'm not going to pretend that happiness is all around and is easy to obtain if you just go find it.  Satan would have a futile existence if that were true.  Especially when we are so dependent upon other fallible human beings for that happiness.  So when God allows bad things to happen and when the person you love becomes complacent and when good people suffer, I'm okay if you aren't necessarily happy.  You are no less in my mostly unimportant eyes.  And don't directly quote him on this, but I think God's okay with that, too.

Because at some point you're going to sit in a car at 1 a.m. eating Del Taco, talking about regrets and decisions with a friend, and your mind is going to connect all of the dots.  You're going to feel paradoxical about everything that has happened.  At some point, you're going to be reminded that even if friendships or relationships or circumstances end, you are always worthwhile and you will always matter.  You might even be a teensy bit grateful because of who you were led to as a result of Situation A or Situation B.

How wonderful it is to move forward with that in mind.

Perspective.

I actually think it's a lot cooler than generalized happiness is because happiness can be naive or ignorant, but perspective provides meaning.