Why the Super Bowl was awesome.

It brought one of the best episodes of The Office I've ever seen.

"Stanley! Barack is president! You are black!"

fogged windows and springy floors.

A couple of weeks ago I was in the leotard that reminds me that I'm not 13 anymore (and my 13 year old body has also disappeared with the time), standing at the barre, ready to begin the plie exercise that my teacher had just given. It had only been 2 weeks of steady dancing (for the first time in 8 years) and my body was really struggling to handle the heavy dance load I was undertaking every single day. There's no question that I love to dance, but some days you just get so exhausted, your mind is so tired, and the thought of lifting your leg, or pushing yourself into the air, or dancing in pointe shoes for 2 hours just does not seem appealing in the slightest. We still hadn't found a pianist for the Tuesday/Thursday classes yet, so my teacher had to head over to the sound system to start the CD. I placed my feet and arms into first position and moved my head the obligatory angle for the beginning position and resigned myself to just get through the class as best as I could.

And then I heard the music.

And I saw the left corner studio with the barre along the left side of the room, next to the mirror. In the middle of the floor were more barres that would be carried to the back of the room before center work, in front of the other mirror. On the right side of the room were the windows that would become ridiculously fogged each class. I still remember making smiley faces and writing our names inside of hearts on those windows while waiting for our turn across the floor. And I saw the CD player on the far side of the room, near the beginning of the barre, with Ms. McLean instructing our class on the exercise, showing us the precise placement of our fingers and heads. I can still smell that room and I can still feel what the grey marley floor feels like.

So few people in my life understand how important dance used to be to me. My parents understand because they lived (and paid for) it, but to everyone else, it's something they've heard about, but like most things in life, probably feel that the memories have been a bit over exaggerated. From the time that I was 9 years old, until I was 13, ballet was my life. Yes, I figure skated. I spent hours at Yoshie's house preparing for piano competitions. I traveled into the city all the time, auditioning for musicals. But from 3-8 p.m. every Tuesday-Thursday and 8-2 every Saturday, I was at the studio, becoming a ballerina. In fact, I attribute much of the struggle I faced in high school and the beginning of college to the void felt from the absence of dance in my life.

The second that music began, I saw that particular dance room so vividly, and even more clearly, I heard Ms. McLean say, "Come on Jen, I know you can push yourself more than this." A few tears came into my eyes as I remembered dancing to that exact song over 8 years ago, back when adult life wasn't even imagined, during a time when things were easy and dreams attainable. Instead of Marsha, I pictured Laura McLean, with her blonde hair pulled back tightly into a severe ponytail, and her heeled leather ballet shoes, and I resolved to get my leg a little higher that day.

All because of a silly piano melody.

yikes.

stats SPIKED today.

you kids were really interested in Miss A, weren't ya?

It's all over!

Katie Stam, Miss Indiana, is our new Miss America. So exciting!


Most of you know that Lyle judged her at Miss Indiana and when he came back, he told me, "If you make it to Miss America, you are NOT to be in Katie Stam's group". I knew that she would be one to watch.

We had a party last night and when they called out Sierra's name, I started crying. Silly, I know, but I have so much respect for this girl. We competed at Nationals together and I remember that even then, it was obvious that she was going to be on the Miss America stage one day. She represented us beautifully, and to be 4th runner up? Incredible!



Iowa came out of nowhere and Arkansas must have had a great interview, but what in the heck happened to Oklahoma? I knew in the back of my head that Katie Stam was going to win, but I had absolutely fallen in love with Kesley Cartwright. Oh well. I guess some things are just never meant to be. And what did I tell you about DC! Oh, and California is Tammy Johnson. You know it's true.

Finally, this is my favorite photo of the whole evening. Wonder what she's thinking with that look.



It was tough not being there, but if I couldn't be there, at least I could have great friends (and awesome food) to party with. Once top 15 had been named, we drew names and put on the sashes of our respective states. I ended up with DC, Delaware, and Indiana. Erika managed to find an actual Miss America crown, sash, and sceptor dress up set. Pretty awesome. We decided that the one with the real winner's sash would be crowned Miss America. As I said...I had Indiana. Oh, and I had brought along a stupid prize known as the gummy Mexican Dinner, awarded to the person with the most correct picks. Somehow it ended up as the bouquet. All in all, it was an awesome night!



It's hard to be surprised and overwhelmed with joy when laughing so hard.



Love them.



Love them all.

As fun as it was? I'm going next year.

Miss A photos from here, here, and here.

Top 15?

I don't know anymore. I've consulted with my friends that are there, I've looked at photos, I've read their bios, and these are the girls I believe have a solid chance of being in the running this evening. Also, there is the sash thing that changes things around.

So here's how Lyle explained the sash thing. Tonight they will call out a top 15 and at the end Mario will say, "blah blah blah and blah are your sash winners. They might have already qualified for the top 11, if they had, then the next qualified girls in points will make it" or something to that effect.

That said, these are the girls I believe could be sash winners:

Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, South Dakota, Texas, or Hawaii. The only 2 on this list that wouldn't already be there are TX and SD, which means 2 other girls could maybe get into top 15 tonight.

Here's my final list:

Top 15: AL, MS, DC, TX (sash), MI, CA, MA, KY, FL, GA, IN, OK, UT, HI, PA.
Top 10: AL, MI, CA, FL, GA, IN, OK, DC, HI, MS/MA.
Top 5: MI, FL, GA, IN, OK. OR DC/AL instead of FL.

I do believe that OK could be our winner, but I would happy with any of those girls in my top 5/7.

Finally, my bubblers: CT, DE, AZ, NC, TN, SD.

We'll know soon!

oh.

I'll post my top 15 sometime tomorrow. I know that 4 of those will be voted in, but since we don't know if they're going to disregard girls that were already top 11, or if they're going to bump in non-top 11 girls because a top 11 girl was voted in...complicated, no?

To make it simple, I'll post 15 girls that I think have a shot.

I already have my top 5.

And it's not budging.

And I think it's right.

But that's just how I am :p

Ummm. Okay?

SS: NY
Talent: Vermont

....

I'm sure she was great, but as a pianist, I have a hard time accepting that a Chopin Ballade (which means you are good. You do NOT play one of the most difficult works by Chopin if you can't do it/ordinary pianists don't even know about them) gets beaten. But whatever. I'm not there.

NEVER AGAIN. I'm going next year.

finally got the text

initially she said, "Just getting the antelope" to which I said, "what the crap are they using an antelope for??"

Ahhhh.

Envelope.

Swimsuit: Mississippi
Talent: Georgia

source says:

Kayla had a fantastic performance, Georgia was great. She thinks CT will take swimsuit.

Be back as soon as I get a text!

ideas, buzz, predictions

beginning mine, especially after talking to Lyle.

If you've got thoughts...share 'em!

Prelim 1

Word from Lyle and Amy:

Swimsuit: Indiana
Talent: Delaware

When I get more info, I'll let you know.

looooove this.

Missing Vegas

I've been to Miss America 4 times in my life, and for the first time in the last 3 years, I'm not heading on out there. Naturally I'm pretty depressed about it. It's odd, considering I know so many girls that are competing, but unfortunately I can only miss so many days of class and there's no way I can justify leaving for a pageant week.

If you are there, please, PLEASE be a kind soul and let me know what's going on. Every little detail--I want to know. And be a doll and text/call me, rather than leave it here. Apparently my blog has been spread to a lot of pageant people and I don't want to be responsible for mean things left in a comment.

Courtney, Kayla, and Sierra--good luck, you three. I'm praying for you girls, you'll be wonderful and I just wish that I could be there to yell for you each night.

Meanwhile, after I hear from my spies in Vegas, I'll post a top ten, but I'm not there, so I'm not going to be able to match my often spot on lists from years past (allow me a little pride).

But if I were there? I'd be watching these girls very closely: Arkansas, California, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, D.C. (there's something about her), Oklahoma, and Michigan.

Good luck, ladies, and hopefully Mario isn't a total pig to any of you.

my namesake.

just with lyrics. if only you knew what this song (and the original from Viva...) means to me. A bit inexplicable, but let's just say that when I die, I want a slideshow of my happiest moments accompanied by this song.

Amazing work being done.

They have found a way to eliminate the breast cancer gene before birth, and that baby has now been born. Such an incredible achievement.

iiiiiiit's coming!

Miss America's almost here. Wanna know what some of the girls are like? Go to youtube, type in TLC-Miss _____, and have fun.

Haven't watched a whole lot yet, but of the ones that I have watched, I've decided that I want Miss Oklahoma to be my best friend.

fierce.

nastia liukin for max azria's new line.

resolve.

Two days ago I walked into the Provo DanceWorks and placed down far too much money for my own good--all for 2 ballet classes I am taking this semester (for those of you wondering: 2 ballet, 1 jazz, 4 ballroom. Not including outside daily practice with my partners. don't worry about it). For the first time in 8 years, I slipped on a pair of pointe shoes.

Beginnings are nice. Beginnings are quite easy, even if deceiving. Everything is fresh and uncomplicated, intentions aren't just ideas, but instead seem quite possible. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I hate endings. I always feel so unfulfilled by them, my reality always loses to my vivid imagination and in the end, nothing happens the way you thought it might have ended. Naturally, this week poses a vast multitude of beginnings. It's overwhelming sometimes, starting over that many times, but it's invigorating, too. So as I sit and contemplate the beginnings ahead, I marvel at the enormous amount of returning I will be doing.

I wanted the Freed Studios. I wanted to smell their distinct smell, in the hopes that my feet would toughen up in response. At the height of my ballet career, these stunning shoes were my shoes of choice. Freed is the ballerina's shoe, and the Studios had the strength to withstand class after class. Even as I sit here in my bed writing this, I look to my left at my closet door and I see my last pair of Studios, battered and beaten to death, hanging on the door knob. Those shoes represent an interesting time in my life, and their dead boxes remind me of the pain and hard work I had to go through to become great at something. They may or may not be smelly, but I appreciate whatever it is they smell of. It's memories. Beginnings. Even endings.

They didn't have any Studios in, and as I tried on the Freed Classics (far too wide, the vamp too high--as I told them they would be), and then the Grishkos, Gambas and Gaynor Mindens (ALL have always been awful shoes), and then the Bloch's and Capezios, I was worried that nothing was going to work for my foot. I needed those Studios. But then I had a thought.

"Do they still make Chacott's?"

The Veronese II was the first pointe shoe I used. Supple, easy to break in, and extremely narrow, it was perfect for my 11 year old feet in their first pointe work endeavors. As I slipped the shoe onto my right foot, everything clicked, the pain easy to bear, and the fit comfortable and easy. Rising to full pointe in fourth position, and then pulling my feet into sus-sous, the magic of pointe shoes raced through my veins. I am back to the beginning again, but rather than be frustrated by the 8 year absence (although, I can guarantee it will be a frustrating few weeks in my classes as my body is reminded of how painful and difficult all of this really is), I am content in that beginning. It is indeed a fresh start, and a welcome one.

It's taken a bit to remember everything. Sewing my shoes was a strange task, I had forgotten the right placement of each ribbon and elastic and my right index finger is bruised and tender from the needlework (oh! How I remember it!), but when I finally got it right, and when I tied them up and began to break through demi-pointe to pointe, careful of the correct arch placement, the shiver began again.

I am finally home.

This semester will surely hold exciting promises, new adventures, and difficult lessons. Almost all will be slightly familiar in their difficulty. This year holds even more exciting possibilities, most of them foreign. In all, my goal is to have great diligence. In school, in relationships, in spirituality, and in search for meaning and truth, I hope to be absolutely diligent. I might not always make the mark, I might even throw the arrow the opposite way in my haste to discover meaning, I might even fail completely. But I hope to be diligent.

I've been afforded an opportunity to return to a former life, but to do it correctly this time. I will be diligent.

And I will find contentment when it must end.

don't worry bloggy kids.

I wasn't accusing anyone of anything. I was merely saying thanks for reading, just in a round-about way.

the way I am.

I'm continually amazed at the amount of people that visit this blog every day (and that doesn't include those of you that might have me in your blog roll. it's easier to stalk that way, right? it's okay, I do it, too.), and those of you that keep coming back. I hope you enjoy yourself here. Chances are some of you are just fishing for information on my future plans, most of those people I'm certain come from the pageant realm. Some might be friends from high school or college. My dad reads this. But truthfully, I'm not sure why any of you keep coming back. I'm sure you skip past the lengthier, more cerebrally motivated posts--those aren't as fun as my sarcastic rants. Maybe you listen to the music I post about, you might watch the youtube videos. Most likely you just skim for the words "pageant," or "ring."

To those of you who actually pay attention to this little narcissistic habit of mine, thank you. Thank you for your patience in my writing as it grows from juvenile to quasi-juvenile and thank you for forgiving my glaring mistakes, as well as the subtle ones.

There are many personal things within my head and my heart that are jumbling around, desperate to be placed on paper. For those, I bought a beautiful, leather bound journal that might alleviate the amount of writing that takes place here. There are even more complicated thoughts that make very little sense, even more desperate to come out of my fingers onto the pretty, lit keyboard that has become one of my best friends in the past week.

They will come soon enough. I can only hope that they can materialize quickly enough before fading away.

Oh.

And to the rest of you.

Pageant.

Ring.