futurism.

It has been a rough week.  I've been working through some serious pain (not emotional or existential, but real, physical, searing pain) and thankfully my manager let me have today to rest.  It's given me an opportunity to regroup and gather a few things together for the exciting events in the coming weeks.

It also gave me a chance to binge on George Clooney with The Descendants and The Ides of March.  Ryan Gosling is sort of a perfect specimen, you know?  But it reminded me that I'm lucky.  My upbringing was really wonderful, but some not-so-wonderful things happened, which grounded me in reality.  At this point in my life I would be one of two things: jaded or idealistic.  Somehow I'm neither.  

My mother is a politician.  She desperately wants me to work in politics, for whatever inane reason it may be.  Remember that one time I worked on a campaign?  It was tough for me.  It was good to have a job, and something to put on a resume, and there is nothing negative I can say about the individuals involved, but I hate politics.  Everyone begins in this idealistic dream state of hope and change and reform and realignment, and then people are people and each idealistic fool realizes that no matter what they want or try for, human beings are fallible.  Which is where those idealists become jaded political staffers.

I wouldn't be good at it because I've never been an idealist in the way so many my age are, at least amongst those who believe that we can change the world SOMEHOW.  See, a lot of them put their hope in another person who seems to be able to lead more effectively or speak more coherently or inspire more profoundly.  They hope that this person, whose ideology is gorgeous and packaged perfectly, will bring about the reform that will end poverty and enable education and encourage peace.  They hope that this time will be different, and that no matter what, this beacon of integrity will remain true.

Unfortunately it does change.  Every single time.  I've seen it happen in my family members who have been given an office or sought an office.  I've seen it in individuals I've voted for.  I've seen it in individuals I thought were golden.  There's a reason we complain about politics in the workplace or in schooling: politics is a game and by virtue of competing in the political arena, you have to play.

So no, I'll never be able to be in politics, whether behind the scenes or in front of a camera, because I'd rather not pretend that I'm always going to make all of the right decisions and do right by you.

I put my faith and trust in a God who allows us the opportunity to repent and change our behavior, because He is merciful and kind.  I also put my faith and trust in the hope that we as a human race can change, not by a political mandate or an individual by whom we can rally, but by human interaction, and by love, and by refusing to let a system run this show.

I believe in God, and I believe in classical music, and I believe in 5 inch heels.  And I believe in the power of the pen and the influence a piece of writing can have on a person.  So while some will get caught up in the rhetoric of a promise for political reform, I'm going to do my very best to help enable young people to find confidence and hope within themselves, a self-worth instilled by a loving God.  No promises - just an honest effort to help someone who may feel lost as I once did, and to remind them that the most important thing is to do what I describe as being like Jesus: loving and forgiving and bridging the gaps built and erected by politicians through human empathy.

Jeez, Ryan Gosling.  Look what you and that smirk inspired.